tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25674655554976033842024-03-05T01:37:30.993-08:00My Boyfriend Says the Darndest ThingsPam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-18058475470658359812012-08-10T12:00:00.000-07:002012-08-10T12:00:15.608-07:00His Own Special Language...This morning:<br />
<br />
Me: "Hmm?"<br />
<br />
JJM: "Oh, nothing, I just burped; not conversation."<br />
<br />
Me: "Not in English anyway."<br />
<br />
JJM: "Nope, I was speaking Belchian"<br />
<br />
Me: wondering, how the fk does he come up w/this sh!t?Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-88217760966816103302012-05-21T08:29:00.002-07:002012-05-21T08:31:36.817-07:00After a morning of random silliness...<br />
<br />
JJM: "Your brain is my cat toy"<br />
<br />
Me: facepalm/groanPam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-75219818924884627282012-02-25T08:05:00.006-08:002012-02-25T11:25:57.828-08:00Right After Waking Up This Morning......he's in the bathroom when I hear:<br /><br />JJM: "I'm officially tired"<br /><br />me: "Yeah?"<br /><br />JJM: "One does not put toothpaste under one's armpits"<br /><br />[facepalm]Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-85808119077573993472010-06-22T12:29:00.000-07:002010-06-22T13:28:25.446-07:00So THAT'S What's Going On!I think my boyfriend is taking lessons from her...<br /><br />"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner<br /><br />*sigh*Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-53589793384128308882010-03-16T13:55:00.000-07:002010-03-16T21:16:01.420-07:00Mmmm Cinnamon...my boyfriend brought home a cinnamon 'broom' yesterday.<br /><br />this morning, i opened the door to the kitchen (we close it to keep the cat out!) and caught the powerful scent of the cinnamon.<br /><br />i made some comment about how powerful it smelled.<br /><br />his reply?<br /><br />"Good thing it's still in the plastic or it would have turned our nostrils inside out!"<br /><br />ok...Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-27327628624062488352010-01-21T22:27:00.000-08:002010-01-21T22:34:21.726-08:00He Sent Me a Quiz!My boyfriend plays role playing games. He's done it for a loooong time!<br /><br />When he took a D & D quiz, he sent me the results..<br /><br />Neutral Good Elf Wizard (5th Level)<br /><br />Ability Scores:<br />Strength- 12<br />Dexterity- 15<br />Constitution- 14<br />Intelligence- 15<br />Wisdom- 16<br />Charisma- 14<br /><br />Alignment:<br />Neutral Good- A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.<br /><br />Race:<br />Elves are known for their poetry, song, and magical arts, but when danger threatens they show great skill with weapons and strategy. Elves can live to be over 700 years old and, by human standards, are slow to make friends and enemies, and even slower to forget them. Elves are slim and stand 4.5 to 5.5 feet tall. They have no facial or body hair, prefer comfortable clothes, and possess unearthly grace. Many others races find them hauntingly beautiful.<br /><br />Class:<br />Wizards- Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard's strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.<br /><br />So I asked him to send me the quiz too and I took it...<br /><br />I'm a <a target="new" href="http://mycre8tivelife.blogspot.com/2010/01/this-is-funny.html">Neutral Good Human Sorcerer (7th Level)</a><br /><br />I'm a higher level than he is! That's kind of wild.<br /><br />:)Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-67850555106249167652010-01-06T20:00:00.000-08:002010-01-06T20:02:28.392-08:00Fixing Pizzas LatelyJJM: Want some kiwi on your pizza?<br /><br />me: I'd enjoy watching YOU put it on YOUR pizza<br /><br />JJM: Not me, I'm just the instigator. Remember when...(long story involving a cat, maybe i'll tell you someday...)Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-87178849244934493662010-01-02T18:24:00.000-08:002010-01-02T18:24:03.605-08:00Questions and Answers from an AARP ForumQ: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are<br />
interested in them?<br />
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.<br />
<br />
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?<br />
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When<br />
you are done you will have a place to live.<br />
<br />
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that<br />
true? Where can it befound?<br />
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt .'<br />
<br />
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?<br />
A: Tell him you're pregnant.<br />
<br />
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?<br />
A: Take off your glasses.<br />
<br />
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on<br />
my face?<br />
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.<br />
<br />
Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?<br />
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.<br />
<br />
Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory<br />
storage?<br />
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.<br />
<br />
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?<br />
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.<br />
<br />
Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?<br />
A: On their foreheads.<br />
<br />
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter<br />
antique stores?<br />
A: 'Gosh, I remember these.<br />
<br />
SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, right?<br />
<br />
Yeah, he sent me that... <br />
<br />
me [thinking]: he DOES realize that if he makes it to that age, they will be talking about HIM, right?Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-50002825004294439532009-12-30T20:13:00.000-08:002009-12-30T20:13:57.138-08:00Another Christian Holiday Subverted? Yeah, He Sent Me That...My friends, we are coming upon yet another originally Christian holiday which, just as has happened with Christmas, has been diminished by subversive atheists and nefarious secularists. when you celebrate this holiday season, please remember its true meaning.<br />
<br />
When God created Adam in the Garden of Eden, he was all alone in the world, the only man on earth. Sure he had the animals to keep him company, but it wasn't quite enough. This is why he learned to brew and ferment various forms of alcohol, to drown his sorrows.<br />
<br />
When God finally created a woman to keep him company, Adam was initially suspicious. Another human. Despite his loneliness, this was a whole new paradigm for him. He was suspicious and untrusting. One of the animals in the Garden, though, sheepishly approached the woman and began licking her hand. And just as some pet owners judge potential mates by whether or not their pets like them, Adam knew by this that he could trust her and accept her. He promptly celebrated in the only way he knew how. He got stone cold drunk.<br />
<br />
So tomorrow night, when you raise your glass to toast good tidings for 2010, I call upon you to abandon the modern perversion of the accepted toast, and instead exclaim the original meaning of the celebration: <br />
Happy "ewe nears Eve"!<br />
<br />
me: WTF?Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-84894111020819451502009-12-12T15:16:00.001-08:002009-12-12T15:16:55.559-08:00I'm Sending a Card to Our Troops<script type="text/javascript" src="http://widgets.clearspring.com/o/47d6d01110aa5765/4b242467516e333d/47e40f34c586245f/730dd9a8/widget.js"></script>Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-67931462244244099052009-12-09T23:17:00.000-08:002009-12-09T23:18:25.495-08:00I Am Not......a pull toy!<br /><br />he keeps trying to convince me..Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-6755687652839423552009-12-02T16:53:00.000-08:002009-12-02T16:55:04.316-08:00Han Solo on Twitter, Yeah, He Sent That!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5TIiCnqgsc4WB4EUeUj7VdlASffcRj94b-lDP83uQPHg3hF6lAgO21uS9a4OXS5o58z_ZrX6tYm8M3XOTo_xfmi5mBfZrhkTL7iyPZrRXspuWjTsnMLVL4dxiOJmKDzQoNs98B8Rj4Z4/s1600-h/tumblr_ktl7vh5zQs1qzwrkjo1_500.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 135px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5TIiCnqgsc4WB4EUeUj7VdlASffcRj94b-lDP83uQPHg3hF6lAgO21uS9a4OXS5o58z_ZrX6tYm8M3XOTo_xfmi5mBfZrhkTL7iyPZrRXspuWjTsnMLVL4dxiOJmKDzQoNs98B8Rj4Z4/s200/tumblr_ktl7vh5zQs1qzwrkjo1_500.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5410806909517331442" /></a>Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-45534240169147793222009-12-01T16:07:00.000-08:002009-12-01T16:08:06.819-08:00"My Cat...""...is butt-dialing my phone"<br /><br />me: LMAO<br /><br />:)Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-67605355760838777332009-11-30T10:49:00.001-08:002009-11-30T10:50:48.766-08:00Off Topic...Hoping to win...<br /><br /><a href="http://the-gypsyspot.blogspot.com/">http://the-gypsyspot.blogspot.com/</a><br /><br />I LOVE winning stuff!Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-45021228823444260982009-11-25T23:35:00.000-08:002009-11-25T23:35:00.709-08:00My Boyfriend Says the Darndest Things is on Twitter!We're now spreading the 'Joy' on twitter!<br /><br /><a href="http://twitter.com/MyBoyFriendSayz">http://twitter.com/MyBoyFriendSayz</a><br /><br />Hop on over!Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-82373827980151107402009-11-20T12:16:00.000-08:002009-12-02T16:55:23.805-08:00Yeah, He Sent ThatDear Mr. President: <br /> <br />I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. Into Mexico , and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements. <br /> <br />We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. <br /> <br />I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: <br /> <br />1. Free medical care for my entire family. <br /> <br />2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not. <br /> <br />3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English. <br /> <br />4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bilingual) teachers. <br /> <br />5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history. <br /> <br />6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school. <br /> <br />7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch. <br /> <br />8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services. <br /> <br />9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico , but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws. <br /> <br />10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer. <br /> <br />11. I plan to fly the U.S. Flag from my house top, put U S. Flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals <br /> <br />12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start. <br /> <br />13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say a critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy. <br /> <br />14. I want to receive free food stamps. <br /> <br />15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies. <br /> <br />16. I'll need Income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government. <br /> <br />17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov't pays $ 4,500 to help me buy a new car. <br /> <br />18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement. <br /> <br />I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who come to the U.S. From Mexico . I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. <br /> <br />Thank you so much for your kind help. You're the man!!!Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-53546633213918642222009-11-18T10:57:00.000-08:002009-11-18T15:16:12.432-08:00Have Some BBQ With Your Breakfast?!?Situation: I'm making breakfast [frenching waffles & scrambling eggs], I asked him to get out Maple Syrup & jam for the frenched waffles*...<br /><br />JJM: "OK, I'll skip the barbecue sauce"<br /><br />me: "Thank You" [see, i'm practically immune to it now...]<br /><br /><br />*frenched waffles is like frenched toast only using waffles!Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-86790025903434613362009-11-17T00:01:00.000-08:002009-11-17T00:01:02.870-08:00MURPHY'S DICTUMS<div style="text-align: left; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">just something he sent me...</span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />You can get more with a smile and a gun,<br />than you can get with a smile alone.<br />~~~<br />Light travels faster than sound.<br />This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak<br />~~~<br />He who laughs lasts, thinks slowest.<br />~~~<br />Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine<br />~~~<br />Those who live by the sword,<br />get shot by those who don't.<br />~~~<br />Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.<br />~~~<br />The 50-50-90 Rule:<br />Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,<br />there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.<br />~~~<br />If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end,<br />someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them,<br />five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.<br />~~~<br />If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.<br />~~~<br />The things that come to those who wait,<br />will be the things left by those who got there first.<br />~~~<br />Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.<br />Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.<br />~~~<br />A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.<br />~~~<br />The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.<br />~~~<br />A fine is a tax for doing wrong.<br />A tax is a fine for doing well.<br />~~~<br />Remember, when you go into court,<br />you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.<br /></div>Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-13762964770338889442009-11-16T11:52:00.000-08:002009-12-02T16:55:53.739-08:00He's a Patriot!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8KFcZeF2xMJJ-x7QXA5UZfYJY9MkGmcqe0NCyTbaYhoCQM8sInGq7OBuSClAmAheuo-wPiZM90lxpWDRHlnRI7oMqiWjnY3OVg1Jdhnt1oK5fbEpmrOTcI2xvUGV7RLtzp-Crn9irr1c/s1600-h/Patriot.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 314px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8KFcZeF2xMJJ-x7QXA5UZfYJY9MkGmcqe0NCyTbaYhoCQM8sInGq7OBuSClAmAheuo-wPiZM90lxpWDRHlnRI7oMqiWjnY3OVg1Jdhnt1oK5fbEpmrOTcI2xvUGV7RLtzp-Crn9irr1c/s400/Patriot.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401824789653326210" /></a>Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-2073407223061410302009-11-14T12:03:00.000-08:002009-12-17T20:31:36.970-08:00It's HIS Fault!The <span style="font-style:italic;">ONLY <span style="font-weight:bold;"></span></span>reason I know about this is because my boyfriend sent me the link...thanks for the new addiction buddy!<br /><br /><a target="new" href="http://www.slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2009/icestorm.htm">Slightly Warped Curiosities</a><br /><br />:)Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-33579551552930576962009-11-12T11:37:00.000-08:002009-11-12T11:37:00.319-08:00The Other Day...Situation: he was downloading the latest 'Terminator' movie from the internet, found a glitch...<br /><br />JJM: "Seems fitting there was glitch in '<span style="font-style:italic;">Terminator Salvation</span>'"<br /><br />me: [not paying too much attention] "Oh?"<br /><br />JJM: "Apparently, Skynet doesn't want me to have the movie!"<br /><br />me: LMAOPam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-78778770517814391832009-11-11T19:02:00.000-08:002009-11-11T19:04:37.510-08:00About Dinner Time...me: "Any thoughts?" [yep, he knew i was talking about getting dinner]<br /><br />JJM: "Nope, Not a one. My brain is empty"<br /><br />me: "You really want me to blog that?"<br /><br />JJM: [laughs]Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-62268784634620939362009-11-11T11:39:00.000-08:002009-12-02T16:57:16.359-08:00My Boyfriend SENDS me the Darndest Things...I realize that these aren't specifically things he SAID, they are just interesting things he SENDS me, so I thought I'd share some of them with you here periodically...<blockquote><br />After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, “44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old girl. Now I have a $1,500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and flat screen plasma TV, but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.”<br /><br />My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.<br /><br />Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crises.</blockquote><br />i like this one... for obvious reasons! ;)Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-50658048976982273192009-11-10T11:17:00.000-08:002009-11-10T11:19:05.506-08:00Overheard Him on the Phone...JJM: "<span style="font-style:italic;">Oh I try not to think while I talk...</span>"<br /><br />me: [snort]Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2567465555497603384.post-34172842870300992342009-11-10T08:01:00.000-08:002009-11-10T08:03:09.338-08:00Early This Morning...JJM: [out of the blue] "I go to dial the phone...notice the TV remote is in my hand and wondering why the buttons look funny"<br /><br />me: ok..Pam Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05957338998462543177noreply@blogger.com0